it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My vagina just clenched in fear
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
