Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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