some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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