didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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