Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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