I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
