I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
