My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
