I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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