He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
