Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Dick very happy bro
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
