What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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