i need an iv and a liver transplant
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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