I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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