I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
