There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
