Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
