You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
