so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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