just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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