God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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