Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
