He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
handjob tips. give me some.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just high enough for therapy.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize