I got chris browned last night
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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