Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
