nut hugger
Your dad touched me again.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize