Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
