Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just found puke in my bra..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
