Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
