So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
