Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
