How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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