Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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