I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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