doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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