We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
