Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
