i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
