i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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