Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
