so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the condom got lost in my hair
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
