I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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