guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
