I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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