Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
