The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
