I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
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ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
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An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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