I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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