I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
