On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
