My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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