im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
