I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
