I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
