your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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