so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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