i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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