So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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