I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
