I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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