I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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