last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
