He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
