sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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