I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
