I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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