ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
