I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
