New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
