There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
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And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
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1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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