maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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