Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
