dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
