i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
