i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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