I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You need Xanax blowdarts
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
