Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
