god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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