bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
