defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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