Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
