I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
