I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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